Cylinders, That's Right, Cylinders

So the kids had a project at school the other day where they made cylinders, and then drew cylinders all over the outside and then the teachers stuffed them with candy.  My sons is pictured above.  I did not know the details of the project when he first brought his work home.  In fact, I didn't even notice it until it later in the evening as I was cleaning off the counter.  As I moved it, something caught my eye.  I quickly pointed the project out to my husband and we both were shocked.  I asked my son what exactly it was that he had drawn all over the paper.  He seemed  a little irritated by the questioning, which made me more suspicious.  He said he didn't want to say what it was.  My husband asked if they were rockets.  My son said no.  I asked if they were dumbbells.. Again he answered no.  We questioned him a little more, and demanded he tell us what he had drawn.  He still did not want to say.  Finally I asked him if it was his pee pee he had drawn all over the paper.  I stressed that this was inappropriate and that he would get into trouble at school if he was to continue drawing this type of stuff on his assignments.  At this point, he got a little mad.  That is when he finally admitted that what he had drawn was cylinders.  That's right, cylinders.

What's Your Name

My husband, like many other boys trapped in the bodies of men, likes to play video games.  He has a gaming name just like all the rest of the players online.  I believe his game tag is a nickname of his from his school days or something of the like.  One day as he was playing on his video game, I could tell he was discussing something with a few of the guys online.  One of the guys, had the game tag Kassdestroyer.  I am not sure but I think it was a play on his last name, Kass.  He was thinking of dropping the K, to change the game tag to Ass Destroyer.  I am no gamer, so I don't know what, if any, game that would make you sound too cool in.  Anyway, I guess the guy was asking all of the players for opinions, and they were not too sure of how it sounded.  As I was walking by the room, my husband stopped me to ask what I thought of when hearing the name Ass Destroyer.   I gave him my honest, no holds barred, opinion.  First thing that popped in my head when hearing Ass Destroyer was, and is, hardcore gay porn.  His buddy has since decided not to change his game tag.

Bee Hostage

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon.  The kids were playing in the playroom.  The husband and I were relaxing on the couch.  One of those, nothing exciting going on, kind of days.  That was all about to change when one of the dogs had to go outside.  As my husband got up and let Sparky out, a bee flew from out of nowhere.  We have no idea if it was in the house already, or just flew in.  Since I am allergic, I instantly ran to the bedroom and closed the door.  We don't know if either of the kids are allergic to bees, but Logan does share my allergy to environmentals, so they kids ran to their bedroom and closed the door.  Justin had just become, The Bee Terminator.  He has been stung before, and not had a serious reaction.  I have.  He had to take care of his family.  I could hear him walking around, but he wasn't saying anything.  Every once in a while, I would hear him scream and it sounded like he was trying to attack it.  Then he would scream like a girl and sound like he was running.  This happened a couple times, and then nothing for a while.  I yelled across the house to ask for an update.  He thought he had found it.  It was wounded, so he thought.  He got closer and realized it was a lady bug, or something.  Then he went out the front door.  My kids and I are holed up in the bedroom, and he is going out for a cigarette?  Seriously.  No, not really.  He was seeing if it would stir it up.  I didn't hear him come back in though, so I thought he had gone out.  I was about to get upset, when I heard him scream, and bang around some until he had gotten it.  The bee was gone.  We were free.  It's funny what kind of excitement might just poop up in the middle of the afternoon around here.  Yes, I accidentally wrote poop instead of pop and decided not to change it....lol.

How To Keep The Kids Out Of The Pantry

As I was cleaning the dining nook the other day, I glanced into the open pantry to have my eye caught by the sight of a giant, hairy body, eight creepy legs, and enough of the heebie jeebies to make me feel like I was going to lose my cookies.  I had to be seeing things because this thing didn't move when I looked closer.  It must have been dying or sleeping, but I was feeling light headed, so I enlisted the husband for the task of, "Operation Spider".  This was a new task for him, since I am usually the one who takes care of the task with my cat like reflexes, but, with my urging, he got up and took care of it.  He couldn't believe the size of it.  I had to assure him that it was a spider.  It was so big, he thought it was some kind of joke.  Since it didn't move when he was there also, he thought it was fake.  I told him to smash it.  He did, and then realized it was real and was grossed out.  He left it in the pantry to go finish his video game.  At least he stopped in the middle of it to take care of the live issue.  I decided while the spider is still in there, I might be able to use the situation to help keep the kids out of the pantry, they love Kix.  They are always asking for cereal from the pantry.  They open the doors and climb on the chair to try and get it.  It's ridiculous.  We have seriously had to put a lock on the top of the pantry.  But sometimes you forget to lock it, and they try to get in there.  I figure, I can mention that I may have seen a spider in there.  If they see one in there for themselves, they may listen to me and stay out.  Why not let them see what happened in the pantry?  Who was in there?   I told them as they walked over to see, that it was big, and they may be scared.  They rushed to peer around the corner.  That is when they exclaimed, "daddy long legs"!  Yikes! The kids had told us they saw a daddy long leg the other day in the playroom.  That was the same spider they were talking about! That is what they saw in the playroom!  I would have screamed my head off if that was in my playroom when I was a kid.  Need to call bug guy ASAP.  Anyway, the kids were still freaked out by the spider, and now I can keep them out of the pantry, maybe.  Who am I kidding?

Kids and Dogs

   My arm starts to tire as I roll my shoulder to toss the ball out ito the yard.  This game of fetch is wearing me out.  It has lasted about twenty minutes now.  I am also getting bored, but my playmates are still going full steam.  I glance through the glass sliding door to see the dogs inside taking a nap.  You see, the ones out playing fetch are my two kids.  Strange as it may seem, they love it.  The more I think about it, the more I realize that this is not the only thing that they have in common with our dogs. 
Of course there are the disgusting things that my dogs do every once in a while, which unfortunately 4 year old kids still do on occasion.  These include, but are not limited to, pooping or peeing on the floor, and throwing up on the carpet.  But the kids also want to eat off the floor.  I am not just meaning the occasional drop of a cookie, five second rule type deal.  They asked if they could put the placemats on the floor so they could drink water out of a bowl.  Of course, I let them, for like two seconds.  Just long enough to show them how ridiculous it is.  I that short period, they had spilled a bunch, just like the dogs do.  We won't try that again. 
   The kids cry sometimes because they want to sleep in our bed.  If I forget to pick up Chili, our chihuahua before getting in bed, she will be crying at the side of the bed, waking me up, just after I fall asleep.  Not that she waits until I am sleeping on purpose, but it just always seems to happen that way.  Or one of them will wake me up because they have to use the bathroom.  The dogs, I understand why they need to let me know.  But the kids can turn the light on and go by themselves.  They do it all the time.  They just yell to tell me when I am sleeping, because?  Maybe it makes them feel safer to get across the room in the dark knowing that I am awake.  I will have to remember that and not be so grumpy next time. 
   I love playtime with my kids, but sometimes when playtime is done, they just don't want to quit.  They keep pushing and bugging to keep playing.  If you pet Chili and stop before she has had enough, she will scratch your hand, asking for more.  Persistant little guys.
   So I guess the reason a lot of people think of they're pets as children is, because children act like them.

What is this

So last night as I am folding this huge mound of laundry, something falls out of my husbands shorts.  First thought in my head as I looked down at the little square package that is laying on the floor is, what is that, nothing more.  Then as I pick up the package I think to myself and giggle.  My husband is in the other room playing video games at the time.  As I walk towards the room I shout.  "Why is there a condom in your shorts?"  I peek around the corner to see him, as he questions what I said.  I hold up the little square package and say again, "why is there a condom in your shorts, it fell out while I was folding the laundry".  Barely able to look over at me, because of his game, he says it must be his nephews.  I can't help but giggle as I stand there for a minute waiting for him to really look at me, because the package is not a condom at all.  It was a pack of fish hooks.  I so love messing with people.