Painting Laminate cabinets

This is an unusual post for my blog, since it is not funny in the least bit.  I usually only post my funny stories here, and most of them deal with my children, hence the name, Funny as a mother.  But my husband and I recently took on the task of remodeling our kitchen, and I wanted to share the results.  First, I will tell you, that we took one of our smaller cabinet doors off, and brought it with us to the hardware store so we could make sure the person in the paint department could help us out correctly.  We had seen the kits for painting cabinets and wondered if this what what we needed.  The answer is, no.  There is not some magical paint in those kits.  Here is a link to pinterest of all the items we purchased to paint the cabinets.  Supplies to paint cabinets .  We used the mean green, and scouring pad to first clean the cabinets.  Immediately afterwards, my daughter would wipe them off with soapy water, and then allow them to dry.  We repeated this with the door faces, and drawers.  My husband then took over cutting in, and painting the cabinets, doors, and drawers with the Valspar stainblocking, bonding primer/sealer.  We allowed this to dry overnight.  The next day, he painted with the Valspar signature high-hiding paint+primer.  We allowed this to dry for two days before attaching new hardware.  We had already purchased and had new countertops installed, so the hardware was the last thing we needed to do.  It was actually really fun to put the hardware on, and watch our project come to a close.  We are happy with the results.

Before

After

After

After

Cracking Laundry

     So, yesterday, I was folding laundry while my husband was playing a video game.  My pants that I was wearing kept sliding down little by little to show my butt crack.  I became tired of pulling them up pretty quickly, so I got another idea.  I am goofy, so I decided to let my crack hang out, and see how long it would take for my husband to notice.  Giggling to myself, I folded piece after piece of laundry, and my pants kept sliding down.  Unfortunately, my shirt was a little long, so it kept covering it back up.  As I walked into another room to put away some of the laundry, I tried tying my shirt so my butt crack would be more visible.  It fell back down as soon as I started walking again.  The next time I walked out of the room, I rolled it up and it stayed this time.  I must have walked in front of my husband about ten times, with half of my ass hanging out, without him even noticing.  I finally had to stop and block the TV so he would notice. I hate video games.

I Dream of Pee Pee

        I don’t remember a lot of my dreams, but there are some that are unforgettable.  I have some very strange dreams.  Even though I am now 43 years old, I sometimes even still have dreams about missing the school bus.   One of the most frequent types of dreams I have though, have to do with the bathroom, or the need to use the bathroom.  I always get up at least once a night to use the bathroom, so I think, if I am really tired and sleeping when the urge hits, my mind plays tricks on me in my dreams to make sure I don’t wet the bed.
Once I was visiting a friend and had to go poop.  They pointed me in the direction of the bathroom, and I made my way in there.  When I looked around, the walls were disgustingly dirty, and there were clothes all over the floor.  I made my way to the toilet and was about to sit down to relieve myself when I realized, the toilet was stuffed with clothes and was not working.  I tried pulling out the clothes so I could go, but they were never-ending.  There were all kinds of clothes in there.  T-shirts, pants, sweaters, I think I even pulled out a coat.
On several different occasions, I have had dreams where I have to use the restroom so bad, but I get in there and the toilet is just sitting on the floor without any plumbing system.  I am talking about how they sit in a store, unusable.  It always seems like I have to poop really bad, but when I actually do wake up, I usually just need to pee.
My most memorable potty dream was some time ago, but it was so weird, I will never forget it.  I was at a fair, and had to go.  I looked all over for a bathroom, but couldn’t find one.  I saw port-o-potty’s, but they were all occupied and I really had to go bad.  I searched for more with no luck.  Finally someone told me that you had go over there, and pointed.  They were pointing right at the skee ball area.  I was so confused.  In this dream, you had to use the bathroom in the holes where the balls go in on the skee ball game, out in the open, in front of everyone.  I tried and tried, but just could not do it.  I was so concerned that I was being  tricked into doing something wrong.  I finally woke up and hauled butt to the bathroom.  I think this was actually the first of my potty dreams.  Maybe that is why I remember it so well.
I have always wondered what would happen if I found a nice, clean, private, and functional bathroom in my dream.  Would I wake up to a mess in real life?

If Your Friends Jumped Off A Bridge Would You? Why, Certainly!

There are some sayings that almost every parent says to their kid.  “Don’t put that in your mouth.  Do what I say, not what I do.  Because I said so, and if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?”  I have said most of these to my kids.  The last one though, I have a hard time with.  This is because, my friends did jump off a bridge, and so did I.  It was a hot spring afternoon, in the Town of Windsor.  A bunch of us kids from the track team gathered after practice and made our way to the river.  The bridge was just high enough that it was scary, but not so high that it was deadly.  I guess if you landed on something floating in the river, it could have been pretty bad, but we used spotters to keep an eye out before each jump.  Everyone wore sneakers so the impact didn’t hurt your feet, and because the bottom of the river was a mushy mess.  I will never forget the rush I felt as my feet left the edge of the bridge.  It was like the main drop of a rollercoaster.  The water was such a wonderful refreshment from the heat.  It is one of my most fond memories from high school.   I loved doing outrageous things and this fit in perfectly with my adventurous spirit.

Walking In His Sister's Shoes

My husband rarely drinks, so when he needed me to pick him up after a work function, I had no problem with it, and respected his responsible decision to not drive.  My kids, on the other hand, complained that we had to go out at 9:45 pm.  I told them to just throw some shoes on quickly, because we were not even planning on getting out of the car.  Brianna had just gotten a new pair of heels earlier in the day, and they were sitting near the door.  She slipped them on and Logan asked if he could wear a pair of her flip flops that were also sitting next to the door.  I said that’s fine.  As we were going down the road, Logan was talking about how the heels are a little too big for Brianna.  Logan tells her that they should switch shoes because the flip flops are too small on him and the heels would probably fit him better.  They eventually do switch.  Logan says he likes the heels.  I jokingly asked him if he wanted to wear them to school.  He surprised me by saying enthusiastically, “I wish”!  Brianna immediately stated, “He can’t wear those to school.  Kids would pick on him.”  We then started talking about how he would have to wear a wig or something.  Then Brianna said the kids would recognize his face.  This conversation went on for almost the whole ride.  I said he would have to be completely disguised.  He would have to wear a dress, make-up, a wig or a hat, and some glasses, in order for no one to recognize him.  Then Brianna pipes in and says, “oh, and you can wear a thing in your ear so mommy can tell you what to do.”  These kids!  I think they have watched too many episodes of repeat after me.
We get to my husbands work to pick him up and he is no where to be seen.  I call him a few times and he doesn’t answer.  I text him telling him we are out front.  No response.  I am starting to get annoyed because he was the one who told me he was ready to be picked up.  He gets embarrassed easily, so I was sure he would not want his son to be getting out of the car in heels, not to mention Brianna’s hair was like a nest on her head.  Then he finally walked around the corner.  Or I should say stumbled and I got out so he could see me.  He said, “come on out.  Come see everyone.”  I’m like, “um, the kids are a mess, and your son is wearing your daughter’s high heels.”  He did not care.  He grabbed the kids and flew to the dance floor with Brianna.  Logan and I had a seat and watched.  Then, after a few people complimented his shoes, the poor little guy said,  “Mommy, I am a little embarrassed now.”  So, I don’t think he wants to wear sister’s shoes to school after all.

Off To See The Wizard

Last week there were some terrible storms in the area where I live.  I was at work, while my husband was at home with the kids.  He sent me a text telling me how bad the weather was.  I looked at the radar and saw the area was covered with rain and thunderstorm warnings.  My husband became so concerned with the dark skies and wind that he decided that he and the kids should take some precautionary measures and prepare for the worst.  He told me this was one of the scariest storms he had ever seen.  The wind was whipping the small birdhouse, in one of the trees, in all directions.  He told the kids to grab what they would need in case of a tornado and get in the closet as soon as possible.  While he rounded up the dogs, the kids grabbed their stuff.  He met them in the closet and asked what they had grabbed.  My son proudly showed my husband that he had brought two pillows and a flashlight.  My husband was impressed.  He turned to my daughter to see what she had felt was important, only to see her standing there with a pair of ruby red slippers in her hands.  Someone was prepared in case she made a trip to Oz.  She sure wanted to make sure she could get home.  It's a good thing her brother has her back and grabbed two pillows.

Shot In The Head

     Recently, I decided to contact a local modeling agency to see about getting the kids into modeling.  Brianna had done a photo shoot before, but nothing ever came of it.  The modeling agency met with my husband and the kids and they liked what they saw.  I got an email with a contract and it included information for websites to sign the kids up for castings, and also some information about packages for photo shoots.
     The other night, when I got home from work, I started discussing the email with my husband.  The photo shoots are pretty expensive.  Unlike your typical JC Penney, Sears, type photo shoot, these shoots run around $300 as an average for shots from the waist up.  This is what is called a head shot.  Full body shot shoots are even more expensive.  As we were discussing the emails, the kids heard me say to my husband that regardless of what agency we use, the kids will have to have headshots.  
     I heard Logan gasp.  When I looked at him his faced changed from the smiling, happy little guy that was just playing and having a great time, to a distressed, anxious ball of nerves.  He seemed as if he were about to hyperventilate.  Within seconds, Brianna joined in this dramatic display.  I quickly realized what all the fuss was about, but my knowledge made me snicker.  My poor kids had to suffer for over a minute before I could contain myself enough to let them know that headshots are photos.